Tarot Reading Etiquette - Absolute Positive Regard

The relationship between the reader and the readee/querent/inquirer/client begins before the official session starts. With people you don't know, it begins with your first interaction, and that may be with hearing about you from someone else, or reading an offer you are making online, or a smile at a fair you are working at. 

Fundamentally though, the etiquette of a reading, from start to finish, even before you officially begin and are working out the nuts of bolts of when to schedule a reading or working on how to phrase the querent's question, is holding the querent in absolute positive regard. 

This means: 
     ∞ setting aside your own judgments, biases, and opinions.
     ∞ accepting the person for where they are at right now.
     ∞ allowing your Divine Self to See their Divine Self. 
     ∞ erring on the side of compassion.  

And all this begins before you even start shuffling the cards. 

If someone is asking you about a love reading and is dating one person but appears to be using another person as a back up in case that goes awry, you must set aside any judgments and opinions you may have on the situation. It's not for you to say. It's for the cards to say, and for you to be a vessel of divine wisdom to help that person with where they are at. Yep, this is a real example.

If you feel a querent is being rude, refrain from getting snarky. Now, it's easier to do this in person than it is to do it online. But no matter what you must maintain professionalism, a sense of proper decorum by holding them in absolute positive regard and refrain from taking things personally. 

I once had someone cancel three times on me for an in-person reading, something she said she preferred over distance in our first interaction. Well, I offered to do a distance reading through a phone call and sending her a picture of the cards since she was having such a hard time meeting in person. She was so offended by this that she thought I was being rude and not listening to her needs. I stayed polite and civil the entire time I was dealing with her. I knew that part of her problem was that she was avoiding the question. She wanted answers but was afraid of them and was using classic self-sabotaging tactics. She never got that reading from me. However, holding her in absolutely positive regard was a key factor in staying out of judgment and holding space for myself to not allow her personal problems hook me into unnecessary drama. 

Moreover, you never know what someone is going through. I have done readings before and never gotten a response, and this has happened with free readings as well. I don't like it, but I don't know what someone is dealing with. Maybe it slipped their minds? Maybe they don't like the reading and are avoiding confrontation. Maybe they just lost their job, or dealing with family BS. Maybe they are dealing with a cyclic mental health issue. Or as simple as being really sick, or god forbid, any combination of these things. You just don't know. And it's better to err on the side of compassion than it is to get snippy, or lash out, or sarcastic, at the person you are reading for. Your reputation is on the line.

Now, if you know that you are unable to maintain absolute positive regard, then it's okay to say, even in the middle of the reading, "You know, I don't think I'm the right reader for you." Then you give that person the names of other readers who might be a better fit for them. Or, if you need a moment to breathe to be able to set aside judgments, it's okay to do that too. We are human and imperfect, and it's not so bad to hold space for someone in absolutely positive regard temporarily. 

And remember, it's not the information that people have a problem with. 
It's the judgment.

Also, here is an awesome news story of a Tarot reader who discovered during a reading that someone had committed murder. She maintained professional decorum, kept him talking, and even got the address of where the body was, and everything. Now that's some badassery! An extreme example of what I'm talking about, but sometimes it's helpful to hear about the extreme so you know how to be in the happy middle. https://www.bbc.com/news/av/uk-36400912/clairvoyant-man-confessed-to-murder-during-card-reading

Note: To learn more about absolute positive regard please look up Carl Rogers' research on it, though he calls it unconditional positive regard.

How I Find Your Spirit Animal Guide and Other Answers.

A common question I receive  is how do I find someone's spirit animal guide (SAG). The answer is, your spirit animal guide reveals itself to me. My spirit animal guide, Bells, initiates contact first. After that I feel and see whatever is meant to be felt and seen that the person they are guiding is ready to see and feel. 

You must be ready for whatever information comes so you don't reject your guide out of a false sense of what makes a proper SAG.

What makes a proper SAG is an animal spirit that has undergone spirit animal guide training and have transcended mortal sensibilities. For example, one of the hunting tactics of the orca is to separate babies from their mothers. One woman I knew HATED orcas for that very reason. However, it turns out her son's SAG was an orca, but as an elevated being, or higher being, or one that has transcended mortality and lives in a more light-filled way, doesn't do that. Of course, before she could accept her son's orca she had to get over her bias first. 😉

What will I see in a vision? Typically what the animal looks like first. Sometimes this is great, I know exactly what animal it is, and sometimes not so much because I'm like WTF is this? I have never seen this. That's how I discovered the pyrosome (sea cucumber) and the tuco-tuco, and long-tailed sylph hummingbirds.

As you can see, I get specific. The reason is, I want people to be able to visualize as much as they can what I am seeing, and I discovered that breeds matter beyond that. For example, foxes are solitary creatures. However, I had a vision of the fennec fox for one person, and I saw a whole FAMILY of them living together in a pack and I was like whaaaaa!? So I looked up the habits of the fennec fox only to discover that yes, indeed, they are pack oriented unlike other fox breeds. That family aspect was super important for this man. 

Also, let's be real. You can't just say dog. What kind of dog? A chihuahua is totally different from a Tibetan mastiff. What're we talkin' here? Wouldn't you wanna know? You can't just say fish. A guppy is totally different from a rainbow trout. Stingrays sting, manta rays don't. 

Ah, and this leads to, wait, why would you ever see a stingray SAG sting? BATTLE MODE. I may receive a vision of your SAG in BATTLE MODE. Super cool. Bells, (Charolais heifer, a cow) grows really long horns, that are just freakin' amazing. 

Sometimes I am told their names, or at least, a name for you to call them by, but often not. I often receive messages of love and reassurance that you are worthy of having them around. I also get a flavor of their personalities. Sometimes they end up matching yours, sometimes they are complementary. Usually they are the same gender (or non-gender) as you, but sometimes not. Someone's panther made themselves known to during a Tarot reading once and they were quite clear that they were non-binary! I was surprised as all get out. Didn't know that was a thing until then! 

I may see a symbol, like something from pop culture or from fairy tale. Someone once had three different types of birds as theirs and they were like, thinking of us like the three good fairies from Disney's Sleeping Beauty. You might think that's nonsense, but to the person I was reading it was absolutely significant to them. 

Of course, I always use the list of general wisdom originally by Diana Roth as my first go to once I know what animal I am looking at. 

I am often guided to read up on different animals to learn more about those animals in general which later helps me understand someone's SAG later. For example, knowing the difference between crows and ravens has been useful. Knowing that the only hawk that makes that piercing cry everyone loves is the red tailed hawk, and that the eagle actually has a very sweet sound. It helps me know them more clearly and in turn helps me be a better vessel for receiving, so I'm big on learning details so I can understand the bigger picture. 

I essentially absolutely trust 100% that when I communicate with your spirit animal guide, that one way or the other, I will be able to give you the information you need to receive. And it's awesome. 💚

What Is A Spirit Animal Guide? Different Names and Definitions

What is a spirit animal guide (SAG)? 

An attempt at a definition without using the words spirit, animal, and guide; a disembodied light being in a form that is neither humanoid nor plant that is qualified to aid you on the other side of the veil. Or, in other words, a spirit, that is an animal, that guides you in this life for your highest/most/best good. They are qualified to do so because they got spirit animal guide training to do the job! 

Many come and go, but usually one always stays with you for your whole life. The statistical chance of someone not having at least one for their whole life is so infinitesimally minuscule as to be moot.

What counts as a spirit animal guide? 

Anything that moves. Insects, such as the honey bee, counts (though I suppose you could put them in their own category) but they are rarer, especially as beings that are with you all of your life. Arachnids count (I had a tarantula SAG that helped me with my fear for a while). Arthropods, and crustaceans count. So do extinct species as Tasmanian tigers, passenger pigeons, and dinosaurs. All manner of sea creatures, such as pyrosomes, count. 

What are the differences between a spirit animal guide, an animal spirit, a power animal, a familiar, and a totem?

These terms are often used interchangeably, but I don't use them that way. The reason is because as a white woman I need to be sensitive to indigenous populations that have been hurt by colonialism. The white man has a lot to answer for. 

This isn't to say that white people don't have spirit animal guides, of course we do. We have our own historical traditions and mythos connected to animals, and of course, we all have the right to become more connected to the land we live on and the nature around us. Yet, we need to be compassionate to those who came before us, who once lived here, and to their descendants. Doing so requires us to deal with cultural shadow work that we have inherited from our forebears, and is a topic for another post. 

Animal spirit:

To me, an animal spirit is simply a spirit that is in the form of an animal. Some indigenous cultures use animal spirit, or spirit  animal in a way that is very specific to their culture and belief set. I can only speak to my belief set and the way I relate to these beings. When I hear the term "animal spirit" I have to take into account the context of how it it's being used, because for me just because a spirit is of an animal doesn't mean it's a being you can trust. Even spirits of animals can become earth bound and have difficulty moving on. I have helped

Power animal:

Often when I hear people discuss a power animal they are specifically calling on a specific trait or ability attributed to an animal; kind of like the DC superhero character Vixen who uses an amulet to summon the strength of a gorilla to beat down an enemy, or to the sharp eyes of a bird of prey when scouting. While sure, there are spirits of animals who respond to this, it doesn't mean that they are your spirit animal guides. What it means is they are temporarily lending you their power on behalf of your spirit animal guide to help with a specific event. 

Familiar:

The dictionary definition is that a familiar is the spirit of an animal that helps and guides someone. However, I usually see people use it to mean a living animal. This is especially so with pop culture TV where a magic user has a real flesh and blood animal as their familiar. As a result, I often see people assume that their beloved pets are familiars.  

While yes, often animals have extrasensory perception in the spiritual realm it is actually rare for a living animal to be your spirit animal guide. That would be like having an ascended master or Bodhisattva living with you in the flesh. Also, it puts an unfair expectation on your pets. Our pets are wonderful, they are family, but we shouldn't expect them to be more than what they are. 

Totem:

The term "totem" is indigenous specific. Therefore I refrain from using this terminology, since I am of Celtic descent, not  Native American or other Indigenous culture. Totem, as I understand tends to be about someone's tribe or ancestral roots, that you can have a tribal totem, and a personal totem, etc. 

Because of my Irish and Scottish ancestry, I would rather use the word clan. It respects my roots and the roots of indigenous cultures. Win-win! I encourage you to research your own ancestral history to have a conscious access to your ancestral spirit animals guides. Of course, just because your ancestors believed in something doesn't mean you have to, but I have found it personally edifying. 

You can also have spirit animal guides as a result of a God or Goddess or other Divine Being that you call upon. Example: The Goddess Brighid has crows, cows, ravens, swans, salmon, boars, sheep, badgers and serpents associated with her. Jesus has sheep, serpents, doves, donkeys, and Mediterranean fish associated with him. 

The land you live on, of course, has animals associated with it by the fact that animals live on the same land you do! Are there hummingbirds where you live? If so, the spirit of the hummingbird can be seen as a local spirit animal guide as a positive trigger to remember certain spiritual truths. You can use the country or state animal used to represent that state or country as a power animal you can access. For example, California has the brown bear on its flag, so the energy of the brown bear can be seen as a power animal available to all who choose to live in California (again, I'm refraining from using the word totem since it's so indigenous specific).  

My Spirit Animal Guide Journey

How did I get into spirit animal guides and finding them for other people? 

I was a part of a Mormon group about developing your spiritual gifts. Mormonism, the religion of my birth, talks about us all having diffferent spiritual gifts from God. It's also spoken of in the New Testament. Someone in that group mentioned spirit animal guides. 

My very first reaction to this was OH GOD FALSE DOCTRINE. 

But, I took some deep breaths. And immediately prayed about it. A moment later I heard a voice blossoming in my mind say, "They're Holy Ghost helpers."

OH! And just like that, I was fine. I had already come to the conclusion reading scripture that the Holy Ghost had Holy ghost helpers, considering visions of angels, ascended being, etc. 

Later, someone offered to the groupu to find theirs. It was one of their spiritual gifts they had developed. I chimed in with a yes, please, completely certain that I know what my spirit animal guide was, and with that in mind, I also said to do me last. Well, the poor woman got so many requests she had to cap it, and that meant I got left out, except surprise surprise, a few days later she said that someone anonymously paid for me to get a spirit animal guide reading! I was floored!

Of course I accepted, and she told me that mine, who has been with me all of my life, was a charolais heifer with a lovely message and her name was Bells. She had presented herself as shy and showed a vision of a wide variety of bells and chimes. And a message, part of which is to stay grounded and connected.   

I had two simultaneous reactions. A powerful spiritual gut reaction knowing that this is true. I even saw her image flash through my mind. I also thought, a cow, seriously? We eat those. 

Eh heh. 

And thus it took me about three months to get over myself. No wonder she appeared shy. Because she knew I had animal bias against cows! I had no idea. 

But the weird thing is, when my ex-boyfriend talked about going cow tipping in the middle of the night and how funny that was I was incensed. I told him it was mean to the cows and they didn't deserve that. During a three day hike at Girl's Camp, I saw a cow on the trial, so close, no fense, and I stopped and just looked at it. I was so close that I could reach out with my hand and touch the cow's face. I wanted to. But my leaders yelled at me to get a move on and to not touch it since it might attack me. To this day, I don't think it would have. 

But yeah, three months for me to get over myself and my animal bias. Once I did though, it has been wonderful knowing her. We are such good friends. I didn't realize it before, but there were times when she was the one helping me and directing me and I didn't even  know it was her. She was just "The Spirit" (aka:  The Holy Ghost). 

My daughter soon found hers, and discovered that it was so easy for her to know what other people's spirit animal guides were. However, she was only 11 years old, and people, myself included as I was the go between and the  one talking about it, would ask her to find theirs. She found it off putting because to her it was private and she didn't wanna know, and she was a child! She needed to be a kid and nto play and we weren't really respecting that very much. I was too busy showing off of my child. 

And then as requests came in, I was like, what do I do now? And Bells told me to do it. I was like whaaa!? Bells told me that I could communicate with her just fine and that she would help me do the job. 

Interestingly enough, as this all happened the lady who found mine stopped offering it as part of her services.

In doing the work with Bells' guidance I found Diana Roth's website (that no longer exists but I saved the content which you can view when you click on the tab labelled spirit animal guide), the most comprehensive easy to read website out there on the subject! And sometimes discovering ones that weren't on her list, and it has been wonderful.

I love the natural world, and I love helping people find this connection. It's all done pro bono, and by donation, because I want to honor Diana's legacy and the legacy of all Spirit Animal Guides.  

Discover and Meet your Spirit Animal Guide

I have had a few requests to make a meditation for you if you have never met your spirit animal guide before. Well, it is done! I hope you enjoy it and find it edifying. It is raw and unedited. 

If you have any questions please feel free to contact me. 

Ancestral Prayerwork - a personal experience

I wasn't sure where I should write this, here or on my Asychronous Healing blog which is about my healing path and is way more personal, since well this is personal, but it relates so much to what I talk about when it comes to psychic protection, discernment, and faith in my classes.

So, without further adieu. 

I felt impressed to purchase three bundles of white sage from Hayley, owner of Earth Source Essentials on Instagram (Black owned!), while at the Love Is A Verb local concert last year (an event put on by Hella Famous.) I had no idea why, but I just had to. And I didn't know what to do with them. Because, well, my family does not like the smell of burning sage. 

About nine months later, in January of 2020, I was in a class about ancestral grief taught by Shauna Janz (on sacred-grief.teacherable.com, highly recommend). So ancestral healing was on my mind. I had also created my own planner for this year, and saw a quote I had put into it. "Understanding is a three edged sword... your side, their side, and the truth." (Spoken to the Vorlons in Babylon 5 by Captain Sheridan). 

I suddenly new what to do. 

Use each sage bundle for a massive ancestral healing. I did those on the balcony on the evening of January 21st. 

For size this was about the size of each sage bundle, only two of three shown.

One at a time, I burned them.* The first for maternal side, the your side in the quote.

And the bowl broke during the burning. 

Let me tell you, hearing the sound of the bowl breaking was quite startling. 

I had to finish the burning in the second bowl. 

(and here is when I got the idea to take pictures!)

It burned well, and then I burned the other bundle for the paternal side, the their side from the quote.

And that bowl ALSO BROKE. That sound of it breaking and I was like okay, this is getting ridiculous. 

Talk about some serious resistance from both blood lines! 

And it also burned my table. -_-

I now had a bit of a stubborn attitude. Like oh hell no, you ancestors are breakin' my stuff! No way am I gonna quit. 

Look at my charred table!

And I then took the rest of that sage and put it in the third bowl and burned it. 

It burned well. 

And then I burned the final bundle which represented me and the truth from the quote. I was like, this next bowl had better not break, but if it does, holy hell, some serious work is gonna need to be done.

This one took some time to burn well. It went out a few times and I had to relight it,  sign of needed patience and to keep it up. And here it is. Burning. 

And the bowl did not break.

The truth prevailed. 

And so did I. And so will I, and so I am. 

I then took all the ashes that was left over from all the bowls, and buried them in a little corner of my apartment complex's property. 

I still felt indignant about my ancestors on both lines breaking and damaging my bowls and table. So. I saved the pieces and a few months later, end of May, beginning of June, I finally got around to sanding down the table. It looks nice!

And after that, I did some DYI kintsugi, and Behold! my bowls are healed!

Aren't they beautiful!? The perfect dishes for crystals or magical potpourri. 

Ancestral healing can be very dramatic and intense. That's their crap. So if you rely on your ancestors make sure you are working with the ones who aren't holding to their BS. You want to work with the healed ancestors, the truly wise ones, the elders or sages or elevated ones. Basically, the ones who won't come from a place of personal ego, but the ones who will truly help you in a way that is truly best for you. 

This was such an interesting experience to see how much resistance to healing their was in my bloodlines. 

But I know now, of a certainty, that truth prevails.

*As a point of interest the way I would light the sage bundles was with a burning candle that was on my ancestral altar. 

Let It Be Known! That Sometimes I'm Not So Bright!

I was looking back at the month of June, reflecting, and looking at the reading for last month and. 

And I was like oh, oh eff me. 

Someone friend requested me on Facebook. Someone who was told not to contact me but that I would make contact if I wanted to. But I had been told something cool about them and I was like, oh did they make a change? So when he friended me, I friended him back and started talking to him to see if the change was not only real, but deep, because if it were deep . . . 

Well, it turns out, while yeah, some change has happened, they were mired in muck and I had to unfriend for my mental health. And I started startling easy, and having trauma dreams again. 

My child saw me talk to him on FB and was like Mom NO. 

My husband was like, you're talking to you! Girl, that is NOT a good idea!

It was two days. Two days of talking to him that was a horrible mistake.

And now, here I am, reflecting on the month, and I saw again the reading. 

KgS Ⓡ - Do not trust this person. They pretend to cut through the BS but they are in truth unethical. 

Message Bible Verse* "Hold your tongue." (Isaiah 23:1)

from the Modern Witch Tarot deck

I had thought it was talking about some random dude on FB that I had never met before. I thought holding your tongue was about being polite and also allowing others to speak (sometimes I get so excited I talk too much).

But no. 

I felt anxious and unsure about allowing the friend request and talking to him. I just really really really wanted to believe that the change was deep. And deep enough where post-traumatic stress didn't get triggered (I have a diagnoses of this, something I write about on my Asynchronous Healing blog).

Did I go back and look? No. 

Did I do a reading? No.

Did I pray about it? No. 

Did I ask a trusted friend or loved one for advice? No. 

Did I use a pendulum? No. 

So many avenues to know, and I didn't use them. 

And I was warned about it back in January when I initially did my reading for the whole year. Damn. 

I feel dumb. 

But, I was able to honor my boundaries again. 

I made a mistake. 

But it's okay. 

I learned from it, and I'm not broken. I'm still a whole me. I don't have to be perfect to be a whole me (I'm a recovering perfectionist). 
And it's kinda funny. LOL

So if you feel dumb for not listening to yourself, or the cards, I hope you forgive yourself and learn from it. We're all here doing our best.  💚

In love and light and shadow,

Ruth ~ Lady of Radiant Joy

*My Mother-in-law inspired me to do some Bibliomancy for my year reading this year.